Sunday, February 28, 2010

Should I tell her that I don't like it when she's in touch with her ex? - TIP

The first thing to check is: when did you have your last "boundaries" discussion with her?

If it's more than a month, it is possible to sit down again and have an open heart discussion about this.

If you want a chat, instead of saying: "When you interact with him, I don't like it and I think you should stop..."

Say:

"Let's chat about exes today... How close do you feel it is appropriate for them to be? For instance would you be ok with me exchanging text messages with my ex in the evening while you and I are together?"

"What do you feel is ok or not - What's your opinion? I am really interested in knowing what you think..."

Remember that you don't tell her what to do.

You simply bring it up in an open way and let her see what could be a win for both of you.

When you have this chat, keep it short and targeted.

Let her see that you are ok with whatever direction she wants to take.

However, she must know that if she connects with her ex it means that you might stay in touch with your exes as well in similar ways. Would she be ok with that?

Another opportunity to practice your favorite mirror tactics ;)