Thursday, January 28, 2010

How to use your protective force rather than your controlling one - ARTICLE

You see positive expressions of protective power all the time in society!

It shows up when:
  • A boss gives you space to be creative at your job.
  • A mother watches her child playing in the park.
  • You let a dog run freely while keeping an eye on what it does.
  • We redirect the flow of a river so that a village doesn't get hit with the next storm.
  • Etc.
In all these expressions, people are STILL using their power!

It is not control.

It is protection!
  • You don't limit the employee's creativity.
  • You don't hold the child by the hand.
  • You don't keep the dog on the leash.
  • You don't stop the river from flowing.
What's the result?


It's not being stopped or limited!

That's one of the most subtle distinctions you can make when using your power in life.

How much control is REALLY needed to keep you safe.

Do you need 5 locks or just one?

Do you really need a high fence?

See the point?

In your relationship, controlling power is a joy killer!

It destroys spontaneity and complicity because what partners really tell each other when they use it is:

"I don't trust you! I don't think you are grown up enough to make your own decisions!"

Using control on your partner usually means SERIOUS TROUBLE!

What's the alternative if you don't want to lose your power?

Well, you still can use your power but in a different way.

When dealing with relationship boundaries, you will say things like:
  • "Looks like this guy was really into you" rather than "I don't want you to speak with him again!"
If you see her chatting with another man, you approach them and say:
  • "Who is your friend" rather than "Do you always need to flirt with guys like that when we are out???"
If she looks super sexy when taking off to the gym, you'll say:
  • "Whaou! You look like a bombshell - I am so glad I am the one you have sex with" rather than "You are not planning to go to the gym dressed like that, are you?!"
These subtle distinctions are essential if you want to really connect with your partner.

Protective power? She'll enjoy it!

Controlling or limiting power? She'll rebel!

What's your choice?