Wednesday, January 27, 2010

10 strategies to deal with obsessive jealousy - ARTICLE

Here is a summary of your 10 steps with some extra tips.

When it comes to unwanted or obsessive jealousy, the final challenge is about using your emotions is a different way.

If you know your jealousy is unjustified and you want to shift it to something more positive, you have to retrain your instinctual reaction.

The goal is simple: replace the jealousy emotion by an empowering feeling of trust.

The key question is:

How to retrain an instinctual response?

Here are some key steps you can take:

· The first step is to understand the dynamics involved - Originally, Jealousy is an instinctual response aimed at protecting a relationship.

This is the first goal of your instinctual response. However, when you express obsessive jealousy, you are achieving exactly the opposite. You are destroying your relationship. Excessive possessiveness is a relationship killer.

· Stop finding excuses - The reason you express obsessive jealousy is because a part of you justifies it. You find superficial excuses and imaginary threats to be over possessive.

Don’t hide yourself. You know what you are doing and you know it is wrong.

· If you can’t measure to other men, do something about it - Get yourself new skills, develop a new look, remove what is unattractive in you. Work on your personality and personal power.

· Get validation from other women - The reason you become possessive is because you feel your self worth depends on your partner’s exclusive attention.

The moment you get some of this from other women (female friends, light flirts, etc) you feel empowered and valued.

· Get help! - Sometimes, the only thing you need is a second opinion to make you open your eyes. Have a few sessions with a coach or a therapist.

Do this alone or with your partner. A close friend’s opinion might do the trick as well.

· Redefine cheating - Chatting with one of her male friends is not cheating. A light flirt is not cheating. Cheating is not a fantasy, it is an action.

You can’t control someone’s thoughts. The real limit has to do with exclusivity in sex and other aspects of intimacy. Is she crossing the line or not?

· Face your fears - If you believe she is way out of line if she goes partying on Saturday night, go with her one time and check it out. You might realize that your imagination does play tricks on you.

Confront your beliefs with real facts. Don’t use vague feelings as a justification for possessiveness.

· Work on it together - Sometimes you strengthen the jealousy pattern in each other. You get jealous and possessive. She reflects this pattern and limits your space as well.

If this is the case, work on it together and tackle the negative pattern in both of you at the same time.

· Focus on trust - Trust is the real alternative to jealousy. When possessiveness is gone, it is replaced by an empowering feeling of trust. Wake up this quality in your relationship and choose to trust your partner whenever you can.

· Do it for yourself first - Being obsessively jealous is energy consuming for you. It is a waste of your precious time. You are the one who will first benefit from a healthier mind set. You deserve it. Your partner will naturally be empowered by it.

You will realize one simple thing: the moment you do take these steps, you will already manifest new levels of mutual trust in your relationship.

It takes some time and dedication to give your emotions a new program.

Consistency is the key.

This shift won’t happen overnight. Give yourself the target to solve 90% of this issue within 1 to 3 months.

Make it your top priority at least for the first month.

Use your will power, determination and whatever you need to break through.

Invest yourself in it.

The moment you set your mind into empowering your relationship, you invoke new refreshing forces in the core of what you share with your partner.

Take action! You and your relationship are worth it!