Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Why supporting her financially makes you more prone to jealousy

Yes! Taking financial responsibility for her makes you more prone to jealousy outbursts.

It opens a door!

It increases your expectations!

I makes you feel that you have the right to tell her what to do or not.

In other terms, it radically shifts the dynamics of how you relate to her.

What is the solution?

Does it mean that if you don't want to feel jealousy, you must not give her money?

Does it mean that if she wants to start her own business and you have the resources, you must not help her?

Well...

Ask yourself this question:

What is the deal?

What do you expect in return?

Would you still give her this money if she wants to go partying with her male friends or go on dates with her ex?

Really! What is the deal?

Is it a gift or a loan?

What if you break up or she meets someone else?

Will you still give her money?

How will this affect you emotionally?

Usually, having this financial link makes challenges harder to deal with.

If you are both financially and materially independent, you manifest a higher level of freedom.

What is left between the two of you is really love and attraction! These are the true binding forces!

Now, if the core binding force is a financial agreement you end up playing a very different game.

What will she say if you don't want to help her financially?

"No money? No girlfriend!"

Would this be her answer?

Or would it sound more like:

"Money is not an issue between the two of us. I thank you for your honesty and I'll find another way of supporting myself. It changes nothing between you and I. I love you for who you are, not for whatever money or support you would have given me!"

How would your girlfriend respond?

Dare to ask yourself this question and face the facts, whatever these facts are.

So, what does this have to do with jealousy?

You can see the money you give her as an investment. You invest your money into a part of your being or an aspect of your life you care for.

You usually expect something in return, whether it's conscious or unconscious.

You realize that if you give her money, it is not just a free gift.

There are usually unspoken conditions and you do expect some form of commitment on her side.

Because you give more (not just love), you expect more!

Now, she might not realize or even accept this.

Is she saying?

"Because you support me financially, it gives you the right to tell me what to do"

Of course not!

The unspoken contract is never discussed in detail! It stays very vague!

This is why supporting her financially can mean trouble for your relationship.

Because this agreement is unspoken and there is no clear "contract" you are left only with powers like jealousy and control to enforce it.

This is why giving her money makes you more prone to jealousy.

It is simply a natural instinctual response to this situation.

For more on jealousy dynamics and what really goes on in your relationship, get this e-book and MP3 audios:

http://vitalcoaching.com/malejealousy.htm

It will answer your top questions on this topic and give you the strategies to solve these challenges.

To your power!

vitalcoach