Friday, May 25, 2007

Positive jealousy and when to express it

In some situations, expressing your jealousy is very good.

Suppose that you are out with her and she starts talking about her ex.

In fact, it happened many times before.

It became a pattern.

She praises what he does or what they did in the past.

It feels draining for you!

Should you say something?

Of course you should!

"I don't really want to hear about your ex. Is this okay with you? Thank you"

This is called a boundary.

It protects the time you have together.

When you educate her or express a boundary, you need to be firm and consistent.

You might need as well to repeat the same message a few times until she truly gets it.

You can take as well a special moment later to tell her exactly why you no longer want to hear about her ex.

Her talking about an ex again and again is one example.

Here are some more situations which an trigger a positive jealousy response :
  • She keeps a portrait of her and her ex in the house where you live together.
  • She talks a lot about a specific male friend.
  • She picks up a call and spends 30 min on the phone when you are out having dinner together.
  • She frequently cancels dates with you at the last minute because of work.
  • Etc.

As you can see, not all these situations would be called "jealousy" issues.

What they have in common though is that, your girlfriend's attitude is tactless and you can educate her.

Some even more obvious positive jealousy responses happen when she cheats or lies to you.

The first question to ask yourself is:

"Is this a situation in which jealousy is justified or not?"

Now, in 95% of the cases, jealousy is unjustified.

It means that guys tend to overreact, mistrust and blow up a potentially nice evening without good reason.

This is why most of the male jealousy strategies are focused on shifting your response rather than educating her.

Get the full set of strategies on this topic at:

http://vitalcoaching.com/malejealousy.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach